The day was March 6th, 2008. I won four free tickets to see Aaron Pritchett that night in Toronto, and my friend, Katrina happily agreed to go with me. However, an odd twist found us both single at the time, so that still left two tickets that were going to go unused. But not if we could help it. Ideally, we wanted to take hot guys that we could flirt with and get free drinks from. After not being able to think of anybody, and being unsuccessful at poaching a couple of my brother’s friends (a fact he was none too pleased with when he found out), we started to get creative.
If we couldn’t go with people we knew, hot strangers would be the next best thing. We had to go shopping in Hamilton that day, and realized we could kill two birds with one stone by offering the extra tickets to guys in the mall. We expected there would be quite a lot to choose from; it wasn’t until we were ready to leave and still hadn’t seen any that we realized that at 2:00PM on a Thursday, guys worth dating would be at their jobs.
Getting desperate, we wrote our names and phone numbers on the extra tickets, so we’d be ready for a quick handoff in the event of an adjacent car in the Hamilton traffic carrying attractive men.
Still no luck—it seemed all attractive guys aged 22-28 were at their jobs.
As that fact sunk in, a new idea formed and I excitedly shared it with Katrina. “Why don’t we go to where they are then?! We can even pick their career this way– Let’s go to a fire station!!!” Katrina quickly got on board with the idea. It was a brilliant plan. We figured our local fire station would be empty, save for the wise old chief who would find us quirky and endearing and, most importantly, know two young firemen who would be glad to take us up on our offer. If things went really well, a double-wedding would not have been out of the question.
Since the fire station was within walking distance, we drove back to our apartment and prettied ourselves up a bit, excited by our new prospects. As we approached Thorold Fire Station 1, we saw that things weren’t going to go exactly as planned; we were met with the sight of about 20 firemen, all outside together, washing the fire trucks.
So much for discretion.
We timidly walked on by, finding our courage waning. We hid out of sight around a corner and mentally regrouped. There was no denying the odds were in our favour; the firemen were– for the most part– young guys, and there were some really good looking ones! We doubled back with renewed commitment to our goal. On our approach, some of the guys stopped what they were doing, watching us as we walked straight up to the smallest group.
“Hi. We’d like to speak with the fire chief” (no need to abandon the rest of our plan). As it turns out, the chief was at a conference that day. So we asked to speak to “the second in command”.
“Well that would be me,” said a man stepping forward. I felt myself turn 5 different shades of red as I recognized Terry Dixon, who was not only Isaac’s hockey coach, but also a longtime friend of my dad. Thankfully (and insultingly?), he didn’t recognize me.
“We were wondering if we could speak to you…. In private.” We added that last part quickly, very conscious of the watching eyes all around us.
“uhhh… ok…” Mr. Dixon looked very confused, but complied, bringing along another middle-aged fireman to keep things aboveboard.
“So. What can we do for you ladies?”
We awkwardly told them our reason for being there; we were looking for a couple of upstanding, fun, attractive firemen to escort us to a free concert in Toronto. As we were explaining our mission, we saw their facial expressions go from confusion to bewilderment, and finally settle on amusement.
“Wow. Well that sounds like a lot of fun!” The unknown man started. “I wish I were a young guy, I would definitely say yes! We have some single guys here, I’m sure we can find a couple for you.” We were really encouraged by his confidence.
And then our plan completely fell apart.
They left us and walked over to a group of probably 5 firemen, where they issued a blanket invitation on our behalf. Not quite the subtle move we were hoping for. We couldn’t very well walk away at that point though (what if they said yes?), so we stood there, more embarrassed by the second, watching from a distance as our situation was explained. The firemen were leaning in at first, curiously listening. And then… they broke out into laughter. We saw arms go up and heads shaking as the laughs got louder.
“Uh-oh.” I said, as it finally dawned on us that maybe this wasn’t as brilliant an idea as we’d thought.
At this point there were several other small groups of firefighters still in the dark about what was going on. Upon hearing the commotion, a couple went over to the group to find out what was so funny. As it was explained to them, they joined in the laughter and we sadly conceded they probably weren’t interested either.
Terry and his accomplice came back awkwardly, sweetly expressing disbelief that no one was interested. “There are still a couple more guys over there we could ask,” they began, starting to turn away.
Thankfully, Katrina cut in.
“Sir, there’s only so much embarrassment we can take in one day.”
Mortified, we muttered our thanks for their efforts and walked away as quickly as possible, the laughter still going on in the background.
“Well. I really didn’t see that coming.” I said.
But really, who needed dates anyways? We could just pick up guys there! <Spoiler Alert: We couldn’t.> Not willing to admit defeat and call up female friends to go with us, we let the two extra tickets go to waste and enjoyed the concert; alone, and a bit more humble.
The following week my dad approached Terry at Isaac’s hockey game, and said he heard the Thorold Fire Department was starting a new dating service for women passersby.
“Oh shit, Marv! How did you hear about that? It was the weirdest thing; these two girls just showed up and asked if we could find dates for them! In 25 years of firefighting I’ve never heard of such a thing happening! I couldn’t believe they were serious.”
Not willing to admit the type of daughter he raised, my dad gave no further information, just said that the “news” was “making the rounds”.
Emily Boss 